7 May

7 May 1920

2 Portland Villas, Hampstead - London

[. . .] Go and see who it is Marie. It is M. said M. He wishes to know if Madame will lunch with him at 1.10 at Princes today. Yes, it was M. himself. Yes, he has asked that the message be given to Madame. Instead of replying she put the cup down & asked Marie in a small wondering voice what time it was. It was half past nine. She lay still & half closed her eyes. Tell Monsieur I cannot come - and as Marie waited - that's all, said she gently. But as the door shut that strange bedfellow who had slipped in invisible with Marie's message, suddenly gripped her close, violent, half strangling her - while she gave way.
How dared he. How dared Ralph do such a thing when he knew how agonizing her nerves were in the morning. Hadn't she explained, implored & even - though lightly of course - one couldn't say such a thing directly - given him to understand that was the unforgiveable thing! Did he think it was just a fad of hers, a little feminine folly to be laughed at & tossed aside. And only last night he had said: You know I know you much better than you know me, though of course you won't believe it, and I know myself better than you know me. You see you do have a way of flying off at awfully brilliant tangents and men, stodgy, half alive men go plodding on, collecting impression after impression, testing them, verifying them. Yes laugh - do laugh. I love the way your lip lifts and your eyes light. And he leaned across the table as if intoxicated. I adore you - you're more beautiful than all the [....] of the world. I don't care who sees that I love you. Let them look. [. . .]  [KM Notebooks, section dated 1 May 1920.]