19 May
19 May
19 May 1920
2 Portland Villas, Hampstead - London
[. . .] The silence - really, the silence seemed to come drifting through the air like flakes of snow. It was cold in the little cubicle, all cold & glittering. The nickel taps the jets the sprays looked somehow almost malignant. The wind rattled the window frame - a piece of iron banged, & the young man went on changing the tongs, crouching over her. Oh, how terrifying Life is - how dreadful. It is the loneliness which is so appalling. We whirl along like leaves, & nobody knows, nobody cares where we fall, in that dark river we float away. The tugging feeling seemed to rise into her throat. It ached ached. She wanted to cry.
‘That will do' she whispered. Give me the pins. And as he stood beside her with the pins in his hand, bending forward, so submissive, so silent, she nearly dropped her arms & sobbed. She couldn't bear it. Like a wooden man, the gay young Georges still slided, glided, handed her her hat & veil, & her coat, taking the note & bringing back the change. She stuffed it away. Where was she going to now. [. . .] [KM Notebooks, section dated 1 May 1920.]