9 Jan

9 January 1920

Casetta Deerholm, Ospedaletti - Italy

BLACK. Another of them. In the afternoon Foster came and agreed that
I must leave here. I somehow or other wrote a column. Broke my watch glass. In the evening L.M. and I were more nearly friendly than we have been for years. I couldn't rest or sleep. The roaring of the sea was insufferable. Posted to Jinnie. [KM Notebooks]

My precious Darling,
[. . .] I DO love you - this adorable generous letter calling all things OURS. You are a wonderful lover. I shall be terribly proud of you. I feel your book is going to have a great success. Did you see Goldy's letter in The Nation. It pleased me terribly. Print his poems - ask him to dinner - do anything: he admires my Bogey.

Now my precious please forgive what I have to say. And do not think you came here all for nothing or anything dreadful like that. Its just my peculiar fate at present which wont leave me. I must tell you but there is no action for you to take - nothing for you to worry about in the very slightest. I don't ask your help or anything & God forbid I should make you work harder. Just go on as you are and I shall manage what I have to manage.

Bogey I must leave here. The doctor has been today. He says I must go - there are no two opinions. I have been ill this week with my heart - and very nauseated by food & unable to sleep or rest with these fearful fits of crying. I have fought & fought against it but it is all no go. Today he came & I told him. He says I am suffering from acute nervous exhaustion and can't afford to stand any more. My lung is very improved but my heart is not and this causes the depression just as the depression he thinks has caused the heart. Ive had too much to fight - so he says. [To J.M.Murry in Collected Letters]