7 Jan

7 January 1920

Casetta Deerholm, Ospedaletti - Italy

On the verandah. I don't want a God to praise or to entreat, but to share my vision. This afternoon looking at the primula after the rain. I want no one to ‘dance and wave their arms' I only want to feel they see too. But Jack won't. Sitting out there in the sun - where is my mate. He wants neither external life nor depression. [KM Notebooks]

Dearest Bogey,
The post office and the water spouts are open again. Heres the Athen. the Lit. Sup. Mercury. 2 novels & letters which are not from you & [therefore] don't count as letters & here is the bedroom flooded, water spurting through the window frame, great watery maps on the walls, the continent of Australia (very true) on the ceiling. This plus a wild gale & a boiling leaden sea. And the cold. Is it within the bond to tell you I had rather a bad heart attack yesterday morning at 8 a.m . & languished all day unable even to read. But today I feel better and Ive written to Sorapure. Hes my one remaining confidante . . . zut - alors! I hate talking of this to you. [. . .]
All's well, my darling. Write to me as often as you can & love me. For I love you. I am afraid to tell you how much I love you. Write to me even if its only a note you jot down and post. Well, heres Black January. I hope it is better with you. Goodbye my precious Love.
Ever your own
[To J.M.Murry in Collected Letters]