4 Jan

4 January 1920

Casetta Deerholm, Ospedaletti – Italy

Cold, wet, windy, terrible weather. Fought it all day. Horribly depressed. Dickinson came to tea but it was no good. Worked. Two wires from J. According to promise. I cannot write. The jonquils are out, weak and pale. Black clouds pull over. Immediately the sun goes in I am overcome – again – the black fit takes over. I hate the sea. There is nought to do but WORK, but how can I work when this awful weakness makes even the pen like a walking stick? [KM Notebooks]


Oh I long to know of your homecoming and how you found everything. Will you tell me, please? I had a letter from Clara today addressed to Gentma Signora. If the news is very good please address me like that and I shall know. A letter from Chaddie too - ‘Do ask Jack to let us know . . .' Peace! Peace! You are far too busy to go to Woodhay before I return. We shall go down together - and have a look at the carpets & refresh ourselves with the knowledge of how much better we order these things - but not before.
After you had gone the house was so quiet - so quiet. The patience cards are put away. No more demon is played. The sea sprang up in the night & roared. I wondered where you were - and how you were ­ and felt again my old anxiety about you ‘en voyage'. Take care of yourself. Remember my love for you is deep and abiding and I live by it.
Goodbye my own Bogey.
Your devoted

[To J.M. Murry in Collected Letters, 3 January 1920]