29 May 1921

29 May 1921

Hotel Beau Site, Clarens-Montreux, Switzerland

You ask me how I am, darling. I am much the same. This chill has been the worst I have ever had since I was ill, and so I feel weak and rather shadowy, physically. My heart is the trouble. But otherwise I feel. . . well, Bogey, its difficult to say. No, one can’t believe in God. But I must believe in something more nearly than I do. As I was lying here today I suddenly remembered that: “Oh ye of little faith!” Not faith in a God. No, thats impossible. But do I live as though I believed in anything? Dont I live in glimpses only? There is something wrong; there is something small in such a life. One must live more fully and one must have more POWER of living and feeling. One must be true to ones vision of life in every single particular. And I am not. The only thing to do is to try again from tonight to be stronger and better — to be whole.
Thats how I am, dear Love. Goodnight.
Tig.

[To J. M. Murry in Collected Letters, c. 23 May.]