25 May 1921

25 May 1921

Hotel Beau Site, Clarens-Montreux, Switzerland

Dearest Ottoline,
I never felt more disappointed than that we should have been so near & yet so far, as they say. I wanted to telephone you, but that was no use. After the journey here my cough was so troublesome that I couldn’t raise my voice at all. Oh dear! It was a melancholy business.
I do hope that you are feeling better and that the journey back was not too trying. Did the man really do you good in Lausanne? Is your neuralgia really better? Do let me know! I feel it must be a happiness for you to be at home again - especially after Lausanne! But one cant be really happy if ones body refuses to ‘join in’, if it persists in going its own way and never letting one forget it. But how is one to get cured? As to doctors - there aren't any. I have just paid little Bouchage 2000 francs for looking after me & Im 50 times worse than I was at Christmas. They know nothing. I had two really deadly experiences here with perfect fools and after all this long time they depressed me so much that I felt desperate & I motored off to Montana to see the specialist there. He’s supposed to be the best man in Switzerland for lungs. He was better than the others and I am going to be under him in future - I dont know for how long. Its very vague. He would not say I can get better. All he would say was I still have a chance & he has known patients with lungs as far gone as mine who have recovered. I really don’t mind a straw.

[To Ottoline Morrell in Collected Letters, c. 22 May.]