21 July

21 July 1920

2 Portland Villas, Hampstead - London

 Conrad review bad[?] ditto. The lift boy & the bread tray.
Sweetness of home life.

I am stuck beyond words - and again it seems to me that what I am doing has no form! I ought to finish my book of stories first and then when it's gone really get down to my novel Karori. Why I should be so passionately determined to disguise this I don't quite know. But here I lie pretending, as Heaven knows how often I have before, to write. Supposing I were to give up the pretence & really did try? Supposing I only wrote ½ a page in a day - it would be ½ a page to the good, and I would at least be training my mind to get into the habit of regular performance. As it is every day sees me further off my goal, and once I had this book finished I'm free to start the real one. And it's a question of money. But my idea, even of the short story, has changed rather, lately.
That was lucky! Jack  opened the door softly & I was here apparently really truly engaged ... And - no, enough of this. It has served its purpose. It has me on the right lines. KM Notebooks, undated]