20 May 1921

20 May 1921

Hotel Beau Site, Clarens-Montreux, Switzerland

It was an awfully sweet dream. I wish it would come true. What fun we should have. In the evening there would be a lamp on the garden table. I see a whole lovely life - and more my life than cafés nowadays.
All the same Paris and London have their appeal. Its very good to talk at times & I love watching and listening. These mountains are crushing table companions. But all the same I lie all day looking at them and they are pretty terrific . . . . if one could get them into the story, you know - get them “placé”.
I saw the biggest specialist in Switzerland on Saturday, Anne. That’s what made your letter so wonderfully good just at the moment. It seemed to bring Life so near again. After Id seen this man it was just as if the landscape - everything changed a little - moved a little further off. I always expect these doctor men to say - “Get better? Of course you will! We’ll put you right in no time. Six months at the very most & youll be fit as a fiddle again.’ But though this man was extremely nice he would not say more than - I still had a chance. That was all. I tried to get the word “guéri” but it was no good. All I could wangle out of him was: “If your digestion continues good you still have a chance”.
Its an infernal nuisance to love Life as I do. I seem to love it more as time goes on rather than less. It never becomes a habit to me - its always a marvel. I do hope Ill be able to keep in it for long enough to do some really good work. Im sick of people dying who promise well. One doesn’t want to join that crowd at all. So I shall go on lapping up jaunes d’oeufs and de la creme . . .

[To Anne Drey in Collected Letters, 19 May.]