18 July

18 July 1920

2 Portland Villas, Hampstead - London

Brett  in her letters to Murry is unbalanced. This morning when she wrote how she wanted to rush into the cornfield - horrified me. And then he must smack her hand and she threatens to cry over him until he's all wet. Poor wretch! She's 37,, hysterical, unbalanced, with a ghastly family tradition - and he had ‘awakened' her. Her face is entirely changed: the mouth hangs open, the eyes are very wide, there is something silly and meaning in her smile which makes me cold. And then the bitten nails - the dirty neck - the film on the teeth! Whatever he may feel about it now the truth is she flattered him and got him! She listened and didn't criticise & sat at his feet and worshipped asked for the prophet's help and he told her the old old tragedy. If Murry hadn't met me which would have won? His vanity & self absorption would have delivered him into the arms of countless INFERIOR females (it's always the 5th rate who play this ‘game'.) At the same time his honesty and faith in Art might have saved him. It would have been a rare toss up. Look what happened last winter, par example, while I was away. X "thought him distinguished", Y "said she was frightened of him" - and so forth. He was puffed up tremengous - and wouldn't hear one single word contrary to his opinions. I'll never forget it. He was furious at a sign of criticism. I wonder if the whole thing will be repeated this winter. I suppose so .... [KM Notebooks, undated]