16 October

16 October 1920

Villa Isola Bella Menton, France

May I have the money for the novels I left at home & for those Ive sent over? I really badly want it. Had I better send the novels direct? If so, please send me the address. I dont want to complain of my partner but my expenses are very heavy & every little counts no end. It would mean ever so much to me to have it - and its MINE - isn't it, Bogey? It is a bit cool of you just to pocket it - the female in me rebels. You wouldn't dare to if I could fight you.
Ive just got back from Bouchage. I expect you'd like to know what he's like. He seems to me a very decent intelligent soul - quite as good as any other doctor. He approved absolutely of my life & conditions of life here & is going to keep an eye on me. The result of his examination was the eternal same. Of course one can see that the disease is long stand¬ing but there is no reason why - provided - subject to - if - and so on and so on. Not in the least depressing, yet the foolish creature always does expect the doctor to put down his stethoscope, to turn to her & say - with quiet confidence: I can cure you Mrs Murry.
He has the same disease himself. I recognised his smile - just the least shade too bright and his strange joyousness as he came to meet me -just the least too pronounced - his air of being a touch more vividly alive than other people - the gleam - the faint glitter on a plant that the frost has laid a finger on - - - Hes only about 33 - and I feel that his experiences at the war had changed him. In fact he seemed to me awfully like what a young Duhumel might be. [Letter to J. M. Murry in Collected Letters 1920]