11 June

11 June 1920

2 Portland Villas, Hampstead - London

I can't see why you should mind so much, she said for the hundredth time. I can't see what it is you object to. It isn't as though people would notice you even. Goodness me! I'm always meeting them since - since - she broke off. And it seems such a waste, too. There it is standing in the hall, doing nothing. It seems so ungrateful after it's been lent to you not to give it a trial, at least. Why don't you say something?
She was pinning on her hat in front of the mirror in the sitting room.
Her outdoor jacket & gloves lay across a chair. And when he still didn't answer she made a little weary hopeless face at the mirror which meant: "Oh dear, we're in one of our moods again!" If it's me you're thinking of by any chance, she said quickly, snatching at the jacket
Here is M. with the supper. And I shall have to endure her jawing until it is over. But that is not important. What is is that I have not written anything today worth a sou. I have passed the day in a kind of idleness. Why? Does it take so long to begin again? Is it my old weakness of will?

Oh, I must not yield! I must, this evening, after my supper, get something done. It's not so terribly hard after all. And how shall I live my good life if I am content to pass even one day in idleness. It won't do. Control - of all kinds. How easy it is to lack control in little things. And once one does lack it the small bad habits - tiny perhaps - spring up like weeds & choke one's will. That is what I find. [KM Notebooks, undated]